对乳腺癌患者说（和不说）的10件事
Feeling a little uncertain about how to respond when your best friend, your aunt, or a colleague at work tells you she's been diagnosed with breast cancer?
“哦，我妈妈她得了乳腺癌。她死了。“多么可怕的经历”
“我有个朋友做化疗，这是她经历过的最糟糕的事情”
各位，这就是你们对一位刚刚被诊断出患有乳腺癌的女性所说的最糟糕的两件事。
当你最好的朋友、阿姨或同事告诉你她被诊断出患有乳腺癌时，你会有点不确定该如何应对？好吧，希望你不会脱口而出上述两种说法中的任何一种。但有时事情在你还没来得及思考之前就已经说出来了”
当你面对一位新确诊的幸存者时，你会说什么？你绝对、肯定地不说什么？这本方便的指南可能会帮助你避免那些不开心的“我为什么这么说？！”情况。
What NOT to Say:
"Don't worry." Followed by "I've known lots of women who've survived breast cancer," or "It's probably not as bad as they say," or "You're going to be just fine."
尽管以上所有这些都是真的，但对一位刚刚被诊断出患有乳腺癌的女性说“别担心”就像对一位刚刚被龙卷风夷为平地的人说，“没关系，保险可能会支付部分费用。”
The emotional impact of a cancer diagnosis is so great that it takes weeks to gradually internalize it. In the meantime, your friend does nothing but worry - about everything. Don't make her feel bad by asking her to skip this natural first step on the way back to health.
“我能为你做些什么？”
Any woman diagnosed with breast cancer is immediately presented with an overwhelming number of potentially life-and-death decisions. Lumpectomy or mastectomy? Chemo - yes or no? Reconstruction? Your offer to help, though wonderfully generous, feels to her like one more decision to be made.
Rather than ask her what you can do, offer to make dinner next Wednesday night, and bring takeout pizza to the kids on Friday. Or let her know you'll take care of her kids if any of her doctors' appointments fall at awkward times. Tell her you'd be glad to come weed her garden Saturday. Trust me, it's much easier for her to say, "Oh, I'd LOVE that!" (Or "No thanks") than it is to try to think of what needs to be done.
"How do you think you'll feel about losing a breast?"
As good a friend as you are, wait for her to bring up the emotional side of breast surgery. She may still be trying to decide between lumpectomy and mastectomy. So instead, ask her, "Have you made a decision about surgery?"
如果她说她不能决定，问她是否希望你听听利弊，帮助她做出决定。在这次讨论中，乳房切除术的情感方面很可能会提到。
“我想知道你为什么得了癌症？你看起来很健康。”
Yeah, she's probably wondering the exact same thing! And worrying that she did something wrong along the way" Was it waiting too long to have her first child? The wild life she led in college? Birth control pills?
大约85%的乳腺癌患者没有已知的危险因素。想弄明白你为什么抽这么短的吸管绝对没有用。所以不要问一个鼓励她按照这些思路思考的问题。爱游戏板球
“你打算辞职吗？”
乳腺癌诊断是一个重大的生命危机。但对许多女性来说，辞职也是如此。除非一位女性即将退休，或者处于她不喜欢的死胡同，否则她甚至不太可能考虑辞职。她很可能担心自己不能胜任自己的工作；担心她会被炒鱿鱼或者被解雇。
事实上，你甚至会问她，这可能会加剧她的担忧，尤其是如果你是同事的话。“她知道我不知道的事吗？我要去拿斧头吗？”不要让你提她的工作日程；让她做吧。
所以，不要再提消极的东西了。
What's the BEST Thing to Say to Your Friend or Family Member Who's Just Been Diagnosed With Breast Cancer?
"Say anything you like to me. I won't be shocked, offended, or hold it against you - ever."
As women, we always worry about how our actions and words will affect others. We want to be a good friend: strong, generous, even-keeled, empathetic.
But as newly diagnosed survivors, we find ourselves feeling anything but calm. We want to kick and scream, cry, curse, and lash out at" something. Or someone It's very hard to keep those emotions in check 24/7; nor should we. Offloading negative emotions is a healing process.
所以告诉你的朋友“去吧，全怪我”是一份礼物。她可能永远不会在你面前崩溃，但如果她崩溃了，她知道你不会把它放在心上，然后你会在她身边。
"How about dinner and a movie?"
Newly diagnosed survivors want nothing more than a return to normalcy. A couple of hours of distraction - laughs and gossip with a girlfriend - are probably just what the doctor ordered.
"Would you like me to come to any of your appointments with you? I'm really good at listening and taking notes."
医生和外科医生的第一轮预约节奏很快，令人难以置信地困惑。突然之间，你的朋友陷入了一种境地，她不懂词汇，仍在努力理解自己患有癌症，并且对向她提出的决定感到非常不准备。
Having a friend sitting next to you as the doctor fast-forwards through the next 6 months of your life is incredibly helpful. Take notes, or ask the doctor if s/he minds being tape-recorded. Ask clarifying questions; if you, the calm, collected one, don't understand something, it's doubtful your terrified friend does. Later, you can go over the notes together, and demystify her treatment.
"Want to do some research? I know of a great breast cancer site"
如今，许多女性在寻求信息时会立即求助于互联网。既然你在读这篇文章，你已经发现了这个网站。如果她在网上很舒服，告诉她如何在这里注册，这样她就可以问问题，阅读有关乳腺癌的文章，写下她的治疗、感受和对未来的希望——所有这些都是在一个安全、支持的氛围中进行的。
大多数幸存者迫切希望与其他幸存者联系。乳腺癌是姐妹关系；我们是一条长长的链条，有些是领头羊，有些是跟随者，当我们一起度过难关时，大家手拉手。帮助她加入这个社区；这是你能为她做的最好的事情之一。
奖金：这并不适用于每个人,但如果你的朋友s religious or spiritual, touch on that. Tell her you'll pray for her; you're sending her good karma, or that you'll do some Reiki with her. Treat her to a therapeutic massage. Join her on the spiritual part of her cancer journey, if you're able. Healing the soul is just as important as healing the body.
最后，如果上面的话似乎都不适合你们的关系（或环境），a hug is always welcome.或者挤肩膀。哪怕只是轻轻拍一下胳膊。从字面上说，人类的触摸是非常有治愈力的。
