Building My Support Network
Also known as how I'm handling cancer, chemo, motherhood, marriage, and a move—all at once.
Community. Find acommunity, they say. Find someone who gets you—a support network that can help when you need it the most. Boy are they right! Community is what has saved me during this breast cancer journey.
My community starts with my husband Chris, and my kids. Never hasin sickness and in healthmeant more. It’s no lie marriage is hard. Throw in a cancer diagnosis and it can get tough. But man oh man, are the good times great. I wouldn’t be where I am at in my breast cancer journey—or in life—if the good didn’t outweigh the bad. Time after time, the love from my husband and smiles of my children (and yes, some drugs, which I’m no longer on) pulled me out of that dark place cancer can take you. No matter what you think about your spouse not being able to understand, your partner will be there for you in so many other ways, giving you that shoulder to cry on when you need it the most. And let’s be honest, that shoulder is sometimes all you need.
Community through marriage? Check.
Did I mention motherhood is hard, too? Despite having people in my life to support me, it’s been a struggle to realize that I can’t do everything by myself. But as much as I try, I just can’t. I need help—and if that was true before, it was definitely true after I was diagnosed with cancer. And honestly, that has been the hardest thing for me. But what helped the most was knowing I was part of this #momlife community that had words of advice, especially at 3 a.m. You other moms know what I’m talking about. When all you want is a judgement-free zone and have others cheer you on when you ask your four-year-old to go check on your two-year-old; or you serve cheerios for dinner so you can enjoy a hot bath and glass of wine without interruption. You know you’re not alone. And that’s all you need.
Community through motherhood? Check.
But finding a support network for cancer and chemo? Um. That was another story. I’m the only one dealing with this, right? So how can other people help me? No lie—that’s exactly how I felt about my cancer diagnosis. Then again, I had little to lose. So after I pulled myself off the floor and dried my tears, I reached out to the community I kept hearing was out there.
学会接受帮助
如果我是诚实的，我就是很难从父母去世后寻求帮助。但是当我达到乳腺癌社区时，他们出现了全力。甚至不知道我。完全陌生人，来自遥远的国家和国家，填充我的手机，Facebook页面和Instagram与Camaraderie的直接信息。这就是癌症的表现。你现在是你不想被邀请的俱乐部的一部分。但姐姐，当你到达那里时，你会以你从未想过的方式解除过。
Joining the breast cancer community gave me a feeling of control when so many things about the disease left me feeling like I had none. That was important for me—to find ways to feel在控制. Like never missing my son’s swim lessons during chemo (#truestory) and having Taco Tuesday with the family after chemo, even though my appetite wasn’t there. And going to Meet the Teacher’s night the same dayI had my lumpectomy. Yes, some people thought I was crazy. But I was taking back control. I wanted to decide what I could and couldn’t do. Not cancer. It felt empowering.
But on the days that found me tired as a dog, I needed help in ways I’d never had to ask for before, and that was hard. My family and friends—my community—showed up in ways I couldn’t even imagine. Tears of joy are streaming down my face as I write these words, that help was so powerful. These are some ways my support network gave me strength:
That’s What Friends Are For
At the start of mychemo journey, my twin sister and her four-year-old daughter moved in with me at our Houston home to help with literally everything while my husband was in Denver for his new job. (He would fly back every other week to be with me on my hardest days.) My sister talked with my kids about my cancer journey in a language they understood, something that was hard for me. She helped me buy my first wig online. I’m forever indebted.
My in-laws showed up big time, starting a T-shirt fundraising campaign to help with medical bills. On each shirt was the slogan: “Together We Are Stronger Than Cancer #TeamSabrina.” On days I needed rest, they took the boys without hesitation. We stayed at their house when the movers were packing up our Houston home. Thank you will never be enough.
然后是艾丽西娅,家人朋友whi头衔ch doesn’t really do her justice. She is like a second mother to me as she’s known me and my sister from the moment we came into this world over 35 years ago. She kept me company during my third chemo treatment. But she didn’t stop there. She drove me home when the chemo drugs were too much for me and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. She made tacos for me, my sister, and the kids. She even brought the kids ice cream. That’s family.
在我的第一周的化疗中，我最好的朋友Loni，在丹佛生活，飞入并和我一起呆了。她帮助了药物，让孩子们娱乐，准备饭菜，看着愚蠢的浪漫喜剧，以及之间的一切。她排队了人们帮助我们移动，这是巨大的，因为我不认为我们会找到任何人。
My sorority sister and good friend, Fran, started a meal train for us. Crazy story: I had literally just set up a meal train for her after her ovarian cancer diagnosis four months prior. Man, her help was hard to accept, but it came full circle and I was OK with that. Plus, those home-cooked meals were a saving grace when I didn’t have the energy to cook for my family.
I had a friend, Lindsey, text me when she was going on her grocery run to ask what I needed. Notif但是,我需要什么什么. I remember reading that text at 5:30 p.m., the witching hour for parents with young kids, and just crying. Chris was out of town and I was by myself with the kids and feeling a little overwhelmed. I needed oranges, yogurt, and shredded cheese for the boys and she brought me everything two hours later. Pro tip: If you’re supporting a friend through cancer, don’t ask if you can help. Just say, I’ll be coming by and will leave what you need at your front door. Seriously, read that again.
我可以继续下去。但这些人出现了。他们为我展示了。他们出现了我的家人，从内心的善意中出现。它意味着比他们所知道的更多。
癌症也带来了这对我来说的俗话说：依靠陌生人的善意。当我们搬到科罗拉多时，我们丢失了我们的家庭和我们在休斯顿的巨大支持网络。Loni与我的佛罗里达州alumnae集团联系在一起，在我的新城市，他们立即签约，让我们的膳食带来，帮助我们移动。接受陌生人的帮助不是我会做的，癌症前。但经历创伤健康经验让您意识到支持可以进入这么多不同的形式。是的，请求帮助，陌生人的善良真的是一个甜蜜的事情。
Building Your Network
For those newly diagnosed and looking for community, these are groups that have helped me thus far and I hope you find a way to let them into your heart:
通过通过免费休养，健康活动和包容性在线社区点燃强度和积极性，乳房是致力于赋予受乳腺癌和生殖癌影响的妇女影响的妇女。确保查看其超本地组并在Instagram上与它们连接。
Young Survival Coalition (YSC) addresses the unique needs of women with breast cancer, amplifying their voice and improving the quality of life for young adults (under the age of 45) affected by the disease.
National Breast Cancer Foundation provides early detection screenings, including mammograms, breast health education, and a supportive community.
They say you really find out who your friends are when you have a baby, move, or get sick. Well, having gone through all three of these major life milestones, I believe it. And I know how lucky I am to have the support that showed up for my family during one of the darkest times in our lives.
So keep swimming, friends. The journey may be hard right now—the waters may get rough and choppy and you may feel like you’re drowning—but there’s a life raft out there, waiting for you to grab it. Your people will show up and when they do, it’s OK to let them carry you for a while.
