How to Talk to Your Children About Your Cancer
When Michelle Partinof Carlton, Oregon, was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2017, she sat her 9-year-old son down to tell him the news. She explained that she had a tumor in her breast and would need a bilateralmastectomyto remove it. Plus, she was going to have chemotherapy and would likely lose all her hair.
“我和他在一起，”她告诉健康中心。“有泪水 - 很多。但是我觉得诚实更好。我讨厌失去他的信任，让他怀疑我将来的所说的。”
Her son pondered the facts for a few minutes and then turned it into a scenario he could understand: "So basically the cancer is like enemy soldiers," he told her. "You are destroying their base (the tumor) and the medicine will seek out and destroy any soldiers that escaped and are scouting for a location to establish a new base."
He got it. "His insight was unbelievable," she says proudly.
A cancer diagnosis affects the whole family. One of the first things many parents worry about upon learning they have the disease is whether they should tell their children, how much to tell them, and how they will cope with the news.
像你的儿子,孩子是“令人惊讶的是认知ive," says Jim Higley, spokesman for Camp Kesem, a nationwide community that supports children through and beyond their parent's cancer. It also offers free week-long summer camp in 40 states to thousands of children with parents who have cancer.
"If you don't tell them, they will pick up that something is going on and think the worst," Higley says.
Camp Kesem在马萨诸塞州普通医院癌症中心的一项挑战时间（协议）计划中加入了父母的育儿，以提请注意美国500万儿童的需求。父母癌症受到影响。他们的目标是给予父母和教育工作者他们需要与孩子谈论癌症的工具和资源。由于他们的努力，2018年1月被指定为父母癌症月份影响的第一个年度儿童。
Tips to help open the conversation with your kids
在开始谈话之前，父母需要准备他们要说的话，如何最好地这样做。然后，考虑到各个孩子，他们的气质，年龄，以及他们对挑战的反应，“以诚实的，事实和年龄适当的方式解释它，”希尔利说。
Camp Kesem提供了这些其他提示：
Begin by identifying your illness. Call it "breast cancer" or a "brain tumor," and don't use euphemisms like "lump" or "boo-boo."
Remind your child that cancer is not caused by anything he or she did.
Try to tease out the "real" questions your child wants to ask. Inquire about what your child is worrying about or if there is something else he or she wants to know. For example, a child who asks, "Will you be all better by summertime?" might not be looking for a guarantee of a cure, but simply want to know if they'll be able to take swim lessons.
Reassure your child that you are there to listen to any questions or concerns.
Children are very resilient, says Paula K. Rauch, M.D., founding director of the PACT Program. "With good support, children do extremely well."
It's important to remain open to discussion and questions "and field them as they come," she says. "The more confident the parent is about how to talk to their child, the better those conversations will go."
Theseconversations— about diagnosis, treatment, and how life will change — are ongoing.
“有时是每天，”Partin说。“知道这个过程中的下一步有助于我的儿子对这种情况有所了解。”
Breast cancer survivor Vicki Tripp of Edmonton, Canada, agrees.
“我试图首先使用”癌症“一词，所以这不是我的所有儿子都会听到的，”她说11岁和13岁。“但是最古老的猜测。我答应了我总是诚实的，会让他们每一步更新，没有任何问题是禁止的。”
With older children, Tripp suggests, you should also "address the elephant in the room."
“我说，'现在你可能想知道我是否会死于这个'......还有总头头点头。我告诉他们我无法保证我不会死，但我答应了我会尽管如此，请做任何事情，并确保不发生这种情况，“她说。“他们需要相信你不会隐藏他们的任何东西。所以，我告诉他们所有预约和任何新信息。我认为这一切都有了差异。”
The bottom line, says Higley of Camp Kesem, is to "open the door for kids to ask any question that they have. Commit yourself to creating a safe and respectful environment for your child to talk about their feelings. And be sure to really listen."
