Spotting Abuse in Bipolar Relationships

What may start out as an expression of interest and understanding in one’s illness may soon turn into a weapon of destruction. In no time, the “normal” partner refuses to recognize the other’s legitimate emotions and concerns and dismisses them as part of the illness.

Bottom line: You do not exist as a person.

What may begin with the bipolar partner being candid about his or her illness may soon turn into a justification for refusing to take personal responsibility. Often, the offending behavior has nothing to do with the illness or any other related condition.

Bottom line: No one likes to be exploited.

Staying healthy involves taking sometimes elaborate precautions. This may involve getting to meetings well in advance or taking chill breaks or rigid sleep routines. The “normal” partner may work to defeat these efforts, typically through shame and ridicule, expressions of losing patience, and by not keeping to agreements.

Bottom line: Your distress has become your partner’s pleasure.

It is one thing for the “normal” partner to show consideration for the bipolar partner’s needs. It is another to put up with that individual’s selfish whims. From the setting of the thermostat to hogging the remote, the prima donna always has a bipolar justification.

Bottom line: You are the hired help in your own castle.

People with bipolar are constantly second-guessing themselves about how well (or not) they are fitting in. Over time, the “normal” one may assist by finding ways to undermine his or her partner’s confidence. Typically, the bipolar partner is reduced to being the “crazy” one, the deficient one, the social misfit. It’s a wonder the “normal” one even puts up with him or her.

Bottom line: It’s amazing how fast this can happen.

People with bipolar paint Sistine Chapels. “Normal” people work in offices. Everyone knows that, right? The bipolar partner may remind his or her “normal” partner of this at every available opportunity. In this context, the “normal” partner is reduced to being the stuck-in-the-mud, the deficient one, the social misfit. It’s a wonder the bipolar one even puts up with him or her.

Bottom line: Even “normal” people can be made to feel abnormal.