用转移性乳腺癌处理关系压力

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所以你有诊断没有人志愿者:metastatic breast cancer. Deep breath. It’s a challenging disease for anyone to face and to muddy the waters even more, it can put a strain on even the most solid relationship. Now, more than ever, it’s crucial to open the lines of communication with your partner. “With this diagnosis, it completely changes the life of not only the patient, but the whole family, says Geeta Nampiaparampil, M.D., a psychiatrist at the Miami Cancer Institute. “It’s especially important that partners learn good communication skills and are open and honest with each other about their concerns.” These tips will help you navigate the relationship stress that inevitably arises with an MBC diagnosis. More than just managing this rollercoaster ride with your partner, with a little luck, you may come out the other side even stronger than before.

Address Your Feelings

It’s a simple-sounding but difficult-to-execute piece of advice: Be honest about your emotions right now. “Both partners can be inclined to hide their fear or avoid talking about the situation,” says Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist in New York City. “This only puts unnecessary stress on a couple already going through so much. Being honest about how you’re feeling during this time helps avoid isolation within a relationship.”

Right. So, how to have these convos? Start by remembering it’s not just a one-and-done event. The dialogue needs to be ongoing, so if you don’t say everything you want in your first go-around, there will be more opportunities down the pike. To make sure of this, pencil in a regular “check-in” time each week where you and your partner sit down and listen to each other’s feelings. During these sessions, make a rule that when one person talks, the other person can only listen or ask questions. (“How does that make you feel?” and “Is there anything I can do to help?” are good ones.) Questions indicate someone is paying attention and wants to know more, which creates a safe, supportive space for each person to share their feelings.

Schedule Dates

具体来说，与化疗，检查或治疗无关的那些。当您使用DOC约会的日历X-ED X-ED时，延长晚餐或周末的时间非常重要。将其标记在日历中以及所有其他医疗巨型的情况下，并在日期开始时进行协议，您将患癌症谈话在门口。“做事和计划与癌症无关的事物是很重要的，并奉献时间才能回归你的关系根源，”NampiaParampil博士说。

记住团队合作

Look, the two of you got together because your strengths and weaknesses balanced each other out, right? Cancer has an effed-up way of turning that sense of equal-ness in a relationship upside-down. And when one partner takes on more of a caregiver role, it can easily leave the other person feeling dependent, even powerless. While necessary at times, it’s also important that the sense of give-and-take in your relationship stays as normal as possible. “Keep relying on each other as partners,” advises Hafeez. “Make sure the caregiver isn’t taking on too much. This includes chores, decision-making, medical care, and emotional support.”

Because the natural inclination of your partner may be to do as much for you as possible (hey, they don’t call it love for nothing!), you might want to create a weekly chores chart (yes, like the kind you had as a kid). Each of you can initial certain tasks, eliminating any awkward sense of “Should I do this for her or not?”

转移焦点

Clearly, you've landed the starring role in this metastatic breast cancer saga (we know, you didn’t ask to play it). But your partner needs attention, too. “In healthcare, I think we do a good job of asking the patient how they’re feeling, how they’re sleeping, and how they’re doing overall,” says Dr. Nampiaparampil. “Caregivers, though—we don’t often ask them how they’re doing. They may be suffering with anxiety and depression but feel they can’t say anything. And that can come out in all kinds of behaviors that are not good for your relationship.”

花一点时间找到让你的伴侣感激的方法。这可能意味着要求您的朋友接管您的治疗约会的驾驶职责。或许你会让你的伴侣惊喜，从最喜欢的餐厅搬出，所以没有人必须做饭。小姿势可以在这些时期平衡关系。

宽容

这不仅是患有英尺综合征的优秀朋友和熟人：你的灵魂伴侣也可以在这些时介入其中，当情绪高涨时，在这期间也可以迈出它。“随着转移性乳腺癌，人们的次数不要看起来像是人们认为作为4阶段癌症的东西，”NampiaParampil博士说。“你的伴侣可能会说'哦，你看起来不那么厌倦，”“这意味着它作为一种恭维，即使你真的感觉像废话。而不是在摘机的评论中繁殖，使用它进一步沟通。告诉你的伴侣如何让你感觉 - 你真的是如何做感觉（对此有一种幽默感，也很了解，它可能会成为你的新内幕笑话！）。

谈论性别

如果性是你现在觉得的最后一件事，你并不孤单。暂时希望在癌症治疗期间临时达到亲密暂停按钮。但是用MBC，这种感觉可能会与另一个感到冲突，即，如果不是现在......？一如既往，诚实就是一切。此外，对创意解决方案开放。“让浪漫活跃的一定要点，”Hafeez说。思考卧室外：按摩，拥抱，甚至小浪漫手势，如散步，散步可以朝着保持联系的漫步。

脆弱

你花了你的生命艰难而独立，因此转向患者模式并不总是很容易做到。但是现在，让我们面对它，可以让你的警卫放下。“有时患者觉得他们必须比他们的感受更强大，”Hafeez说。“很难觉得自己是人们担心的原因，特别是如果你是一个一直是家庭骨干的人。”

As President Roosevelt famously said, the only thing you have to fear is fear itself. Acknowledging your uncertainty during this time can be surprisingly cathartic. “It’s important to accept that you’re scared and you need your loved one,” says Hafeez. Remember, feeling afraid doesn’t make you weak, it just makes you honest. Cut through the bull and tell your partner the truth—it will give you both a better starting point as you take this journey together.

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