Four Reasons Caregivers Should Practice Self-Care
If you’re looking after a loved one with dementia-related psychosis, you need time to recharge in your own way. Here’s why.
In 2015, RosanneCorcoran’s mother, who has dementia, moved in with Corcoran and her family in the Philadelphia area. Corcoran, who runs a caregiver support group and talks about caregiving and dementia onDaughterhood, The Podcast, was able to hire some outside help for her mother’s care in 2018—but then the COVID-19 pandemic hit. Corcoran now cares for her mother around the clock.
“护理人员每天四到五个小时，所以我可以跑差事，去杂货店，参加医生的约会，从学校挑选女儿。我甚至加入健身房。我无法相信，我有一点点常规，这很棒，“科克兰说。“自去年3月以来，我没有能够做到任何事情。”
Corcoran says that finding ways to refuel herself is vital. Otherwise, if she starts to feel too wiped, everything that happens with her mother is exponentially more stressful, making it harder to be a diligent and effective caregiver.
Being a caregiver for a loved one with dementia—especially one who experiences hallucinations and delusions as part of dementia-related psychosis—isn’t a walk in the park. Whether it’s your parent, spouse, grandparent, or another person, looking after someone else’s needs not only demands your time and attention, but also, your mental and emotional energy. It requires stepping into a challenging new role while also trying to grapple with your loved one’s mental decline. To weather this huge life transition, self-care is critical. Here’s why it needs to become a priority in your life—and how to work it into your routine...
Self-Care Helps You Handle Your Own Feelings
为任何人提供了巨大的承诺，但是作为患有痴呆或痴呆症相关的精神病的人的主要看护人们在纽约私人实践中的心理治疗师Babita Spinelli说，痴呆症或痴呆症相关的精神病患者都有更多的挑战。沮丧，焦虑，悲伤，愤怒，甚至抑郁都是照顾者之间的常见情绪。所有这一切都在感受到压力让你所爱的人最好的护理。
Dementia is a disease that doesn’t improve. When you are responsible for someone’s care, and you can only see them getting worse, it can cause a lot of complicated emotions, Spinelli says. Good days and bad days are unpredictable. On good days, there can be a sense of false hope, “and that can create an emotional roller coaster,” Spinelli says.
“There’s also a real sense of loss of control and that can lead to sadness, but also frustration and anger,” Spinelli says. This loss of control can feel even more pronounced when痴呆症相关的精神病is involved. You may even get angry at the sick person, even though it’s not logical.
护理人员也必须抓住自己的悲伤。“A lot of times you have to come to the realization that a loved one has this diagnosis, that they’re not going to be the same person, and a lot of things are going to change,” says LaQuista Erinna, doctorate of behavioral health, therapist and owner of THRIVE Behavioral Health & Consulting. You may not realize it at the time, because there’s so much going on, but this grief deserves the same attention as any other grief.
On top of all of this, a caregiver may feel resentment or anger that their whole life has been upended—and then feel guilty for feeling that way. “People may have to put their own life on the back burner,” Erinna says. All of these responsibilities and emotions can lead to burnout. Says Erinna, “It’s a lot to take on and usually, there’s one person in the family who takes the lead—and quickly, they find that it’s a lot to handle.”
转移你的心态有助于你继续前进
The first step to taking care of yourself is to get your mind in the right place.
“我个人遇到了麻烦，以及人们必须为自己找到的东西，就是你不必喜欢这种情况，”Betsy Wurzel说，她是她婆婆和丈夫的护理人员并谈论在她的播客上的护理和痴呆症Chatting With Betsy. After all, there's not much to like, she says, but you’ll be better off if you can accept it and learn to roll with it: “You have to learn to be fluid and roll with each and every turn.”
You also have to let go of the guilt, Spinelli says. Repeat after us: Self-care is not selfish. “A lot of caregivers really do feel guilty about giving themselves self-care because they feel like if they do, they are not giving enough. Or they might feel like it’s because they took a break that their loved one took two steps backwards, when it doesn't have to do with that at all,” Spinelli says. “Being a caregiver is really the essence of being selfless,” she adds. And the only way you’ll be able to help someone else is if you put your oxygen mask on first.
它还有助于专注于你cancontrol. “I couldn't control my husband’s progression and one of the worst feelings was that feeling of helplessness,” Wurzel says. “But I could control how I reacted to the situation. The way I saw it, either Alzheimer’s was going to kick my ass or I was going to kick its ass, and I wasn't about to give this disease any more power than it already had.” How do you prevent it from destroying you? You take care of yourself first, she says.
Self-Care Doesn’t Have to Be Cliché
Corcoran cringes at the term self-care, “because you conjure up bubble baths and massages and vacations somewhere, and that's not it.” Self-care can really look a million different ways. It doesn’t need to be complex or expensive or time consuming—it can’t be if you’re busy taking care of someone. It helps to think about self-care as anything that charges you back up and gives you a moment to breathe, Corcoran says.
For her this year, that’s meant journaling. “That saves me,” she says. The other thing that she has found super helpful are support groups. Forming relationships and letting off steam with people who understand what you’re going through can absolutely be part of your self-care.
Wurzel highly recommends starting a meditation practice—even if it’s just five minutes a day. She also listened to motivational speakers and attended online summits about how to empower herself when she was in the throes of caregiving.
Going for a walk can be self-care, too, Spinelli says. If you can manage just a 10-minute walk a couple of times a week, that can be huge. Even just the act of getting outside for somefresh air can be rejuvenating.
Any form of movement, for that matter—even just a couple minutes of stretching or yoga in the morning or right before bed—can make a difference. If you can, Erinna suggests planning ahead of time so you can schedule some help. Maybe a sibling or your spouse can take over for 20 minutes, so that you do a quick workout and shower. The more you can plan ahead, the better your chances of making it actually happen.
每天花一点时间做一件事that brings you joy is also a great way to practice self-care. That could be reading a book, listening to an audio book or podcast, knitting, playing the guitar—whatever you enjoy. Even better if it’s something you can pick up and do when you have a few minutes of time, and easily put down when you have to jump up to help your loved one.
自我保健打开了支持的门
Asking for help is also self-care. And you don’t have to wait to do it until you’re drowning.
“Even at the beginning before it gets to the point of burnout, I think therapy could be very helpful,” Erinna says. “When you first learn you’re going to be in this role, it may be helpful to be proactive. Talking to someone who is outside of your family and friends, who has an unbiased and professional view on what is going on, would be helpful.”
治疗可以帮助你理解你的感受and develop healthy coping mechanisms, Spinelli says. “Therapy can help you start to let go and process everything and realize the guilt is not actually helpful. It can also help you set realistic expectations and goals and be that reminder that you can ask for additional help,” Spinelli says.
It can also help you learn you’re not alone, and that it’s OK to feel how you feel, Wurzel says. “I went to counseling and learned I don't have to be strong, it’s OK for me to cry, it’s OK to say: ‘This disease freaking sucks.’ It doesn't mean I don’t love my husband.”
erinna说，一旦你注意到你感到排水，超级强调，怨恨，或开始把你的感受赶出别人，就是在寻求帮助的时候了。“如果它影响了你的生活的其他领域，以及你的工作，婚姻，孩子或其他责任开始受苦，我肯定会寻求帮助，”Erinna说。
And at the end of the day, remember to show yourself some gratitude, grace, and compassion, Spinelli says. “Allow yourself to say, ‘Hey, you did a good job today.’ That’s self-care.”
- Issues in Dementia Caregiving:美国老年精神病学杂志. (2011). “Issues in Dementia Caregiving: Effects on Mental and Physical Health, Intervention Strategies, and Research Needs.”pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21502853/
- 照顾护理人员的情况表：Family Caregiving Alliance, National Center on Caregiving. (n.d.). “Taking Care of YOU: Self-Care for Family Caregivers.”caregiver.org/taking-care-you-self-care-family-caregivers
