离开我的SSRI是一个活着的噩梦
但我住了讲述它。这就是它的样子 - 在尝试逐渐逐渐减少焦虑或抑郁药之前应该知道的样子。
诊断为PTSD.世界贸易中心恐怖袭击事件四年后恐慌症，我在未来十年中开了一半的疗程。All this time, I’d been dutifully doing talk therapy, taking happy pills, exercising, doing yoga, meditating, eating clean, taking vitamins and supplements, all with the expectation that I’d continue to see more and more relief until one day my symptoms would disappear.
Allow me to brag for a second because around two years ago, things were looking pretty great for me: My vegetarian cookbook扔了自己的沙拉came out, and I was getting tremendous support from friends, family, and readers. Despite feeling anxious and panicky, I pushed myself (and nearly enjoyed) traveling around, doing cooking demonstrations and book signings. I felt like I was finally doing meaningful work again after my forced retirement from the police department. I even made it into人们杂志！尽管我的诊断，我终于达到了某个地方。事情是，我的能量将由午餐时间完全消失。prozac和我的其他焦虑药物（Xanax，加巴峰）让我如此疲惫，我就像一个每天都需要下午睡觉的小孩。所有睡眠都痉挛了我的新调整良好的生活方式。
当时，我有机会采取药物生成的测试 -a new type of genetic test这有助于医生弄清楚最好的药物和基因的剂量。（全面披露：我的岳父的临床实验室，新泽西州的医疗诊断实验室提供了此测试。）惊喜 - 它表明我没有妥善代谢Prozab。
So, after a decade of being on happy pills, instead of switching to another SSRI or trying a tricyclic used for panic like Tofranil, I decided that I didn’t need to take antidepressants at all anymore. I felt confident that they had served me well, but that part of my life was over. From now on, I’d deal with my anxiety “naturally” with yoga and vegetables. With the help of my psychopharmacologist, I slowly weaned off Prozac over a six-week period while continuing all my other meds. Everything was great…until it really, really wasn’t.
Content warning: If you’re easily triggered, skip the rest of this column. I’m going to be honest about how terrible things can get when you come off SSRIs. Honest in a way I haven’t been with anyone before. Honest in a way that’s going to be hard for me to write about. You still with me? OK, let’s do this.
我的第一晚100％off抗抑郁药，我和妻子在床上睡觉。她略微转移了她的体重，我跳起来，像我被弗雷迪克鲁格袭击一样害怕死亡。我有恐慌症，所以我习惯于惊吓。我习惯了梦魇。这种恐惧感觉更加明显，永远摇晃。我在没有我通常的Meds的镇静效果的情况下想到，这只是我“感受到我的感受”，事情最终甚至都会出现。他们没有。
在几周之内，一波焦虑地击中了我，就像一个强大的迈克泰森上勾切。我觉得很紧张，就像我在当地药房中追逐了所有的浓缩咖啡镜头的所有adderall。更糟糕的是，当我试图用它越过一条繁忙的街道时，所有的能量通过我的血管贯穿我的血管都没有做任何好处。我只是像一个大胡子的班布一样冻结在恐惧中，好像一个rabid老虎对我充电。我当时没有意识到这一点，但这是在10级强度达到一年恐慌攻击的开始。我经历了不懈的恐惧和恐惧，比我在治疗前的日子里的任何东西都比我所感受到的更糟糕。承认它听起来很疯狂，但感受到了不太可怕recovering bodies at the fallen World Trade Center than trying to cross the street to return a library book.
连续三个晚上会通过眨眼的睡眠。我的床变成了汗水的海洋。我总是头晕，几乎无法思考。我突然停止做书事件，创造新食谱，或者根本写一切。现在我每周看到两次精神科医生，迫使自己在健身房跑到里程才能疲惫不堪。我会在瑜伽垫上每天努力结束，以寻求一些和平。
The constant, intense terror I felt caused an unwelcome new symptom: I didn’t trust myself to be alone. I was no longer able to do anything without my wife attached at the hip. I mean this almost literally. I couldn’t do errands on my own. I couldn’t walk even one block to my writers’ group without her. I couldn’t be left home by myself if she had a client meeting or hair appointment. Without her dragging me with her everywhere, I’d have no doubt checked myself into a psychiatric hospital (and I’d have been right to do it).
即使在她的支持下，住院治疗是我经常考虑的。我觉得我需要监督，就像我是一个负担。我也认为，告诉医生正在考虑的事情是最重要的。要非常诚实，我从来没有得到坚实suicide计划。但我担心我正在寻找一个创造一个人，因为我只想要一件事 - 我想阻止某人紧张的恐惧按钮在我大脑中的恐惧，但没有人帮助我达到这个目标。我只是希望折磨结束。
经过大约五个月越来越糟糕的月份，我知道是时候放弃了我的免维梦想。我需要感觉更好，所以当我的医生规定我一个名为Effexor的新抗抑郁药时，我感到完全令人失望。Effexor是SNRI（血清素 - 去甲肾上腺素再摄取抑制剂），来自Prozac的不同类别，这是SSRI（选择性 - 血清素再摄取抑制剂）;我的医生用Seroquel配对它，一个强大的反精神病术，会在睡觉前敲掉我，让我暂时缩短。不幸的是，我有许多副作用，没有我的新处方的好处。现在我还有棉口和性副作用，除了不懈的恐惧之外。（我会说，从我身上，但你不能，因为我的阴茎也没有工作。）
After two months of trying to mitigate those side effects, my doc found an antidepressant that I was able to tolerate—Zoloft. Still, relief took much longer than I was hoping. It was another four months before I could walk down the street with my wife following less than a block behind me (just in case). Three months after that, I made plans to hang with a friend while my wife left for a two-hour brunch. Two months later, I was able to buy groceries on my own again.
那么，是什么造成这种疯狂的棘手症状？这种强烈的恐惧是在我的处方药的毯子下面是什么？或者是我的基线恐惧加剧了我的抗抑郁药的戒断？没有真正的方式知道，但我的医生认为这是“SSRI停止综合征”（纽约时报conveniently published a great文章正如我在寻求帮助的那样，综合征，所以幸运的是，它在公共意识中。）
Not to sound like汤姆巡航咆哮, but I felt let down by the entire field of psychiatry. I felt like either these doctors didn’t know, or just didn’t bother to tell patients like me that it could be actual torture for a long-term user to come off of SSRIs. Shortly afterwards,The Lancet发表研究that found that tapering off drugs for four to six weeks isn’t “well tolerated” by patients and that it could take YEARS to fully discontinue SSRIs and benzos. Across the pond,守护者发表their own抗抑郁药物戒断块，而且纽约时报继续investigate the phenomenon.
怎么办？我很想告诉你，事情恢复正常，但他们不是。这一切都发生在一年前，但我还在恢复它。在我试图脱离抗抑郁药之前，我可能是60％或70％的人回到我身边。
诚实地，整个考验都是创伤（而且我没有仔细考虑而不使用这个术语）。我仍然是共同依赖的AF，无法自己做什么。我觉得像我妻子的信天翁。我觉得是一个可怕的朋友和家庭成员，因为我无法在没有全神贯注于我自己的恐惧的情况下寻求人们。尽管我感觉如何，但我遇到了困难，但我强迫自己旅行。我不能开车或骑地铁，所以在这一点上我可能会给Lyft和Uber贡献更多的钱，而不是他们的股东。我相信我可能会在余生中抗抑郁药。但是，我对此感到羞耻。如果这是我必须做的事情感觉更好，我很乐意这样做。这是我从这一切学到的东西的关键。
My advice? If you ever find yourself wanting to come off antidepressants, do not rush in. Read the articles I’ve linked above and the studies they cite, voice your concerns, and keep talking to your doctor throughout the process.不要尝试自己这样做。即使您在精神科医生的指导下脱离了药物，请不要贬低可能发生的事情。如果您需要，请准备好改变课程，即使它不适合您的叙述。从100％相信的人那里接受他可以用瑜伽和蔬菜对待他的恐慌症，并得到现实检查。
