12 Tips to Help Spousal Caregivers Through Hard Times

I was aware of Betsy’s background and asked her about how different spousal caregiving is from caring for a parent, and what this means for their future:

“What it means to me for Matt to have Alzheimer's and need my care is, it is the most heartbreaking journey to watch your spouse deteriorate and I'm helpless to stop it! I had a parent with Alzheimer's. Caring for a spouse is much different. No retirement years for Matt and me!”

According the Family Caregiver Alliance,both sexes provide equal amounts of care, at least among people 75 years old and older. The National Institutes of Health (NIH) says that younger caregivers seem toweigh more heavily toward women. Man, woman, young, or older, spousal caregivers still face struggles unique to their situations. You must practice self-care in whatever manner you can arrange it. The following slides take you through some tips that may help you take better care of yourself.

Giving one another personal space is important to many marriages. This doesn’t change when one spouse has health issues that must be addressed by the well spouse. Self-care for caregivers must incorporate some alone time for the caregiver and a chance to do something that he or she wants to do — alone. This rule applies to all caregivers but may be hardest for spousal caregivers.

配偶需要小心to demean or infantilize the ill spouse while providing care. The mutual respect that keeps marriages healthy must stay intact. One way to do this is toremember that you are care partners, each with something to give. The caregiver will gradually need to take over more responsibility, but the spouse who lives with dementia will always have a say in his or her care even if this “say” is just communicated through body language.

Humor is essential to maintain a good relationship. Remember the good times to help each other through these difficult times.This is part of living well with dementiafor both spouses. Remembering what is possible instead of constantly thinking about what is lost is vital to getting the most out of life, and laughter is a big part of that dynamic.

Spousal caregivers may have an even harder time turning over some care duties to outside help than parental caregivers. However, every caregiver needs to be firm that he or she needs a life outside of caregiving, as well. Staying in the caregiver role for years on endcan take a terrible toll on the caregiver’s physical and psychological health, so caregivers need to learn to be flexible enough in their thinking to ask for help. That may meanhiring in-home careand, eventually,nursing home care.

Loneliness can be an enormous part of being a spousal caregiver. You’ve lost a great deal of your partner, who may have been your go-to person when you needed support, so who do you turn to now? Support from other caregivers can be a lifesaver — literally. Find support through online groups on Facebook, or in person in your community, or through caregiver organizations online.Caregivers need other caregivers. There is never a doubt about that.

Realize that you aren’t abandoning your spouse if you join an exercise class, see an art exhibit with a friend that your spouse would once have enjoyed, or go out to lunch with friends. Bring your stories home to your spouse to enrich your communication. If you don’t do something for yourself, you may find yourself wondering, as many caregivers do,if being a dementia caregiver is as hard as having the disease yourself.

Understand that you must stay healthy in order to be a good caregiver. That meanstaking care of your own health issuesas well as exercising and eating well to helpprevent caregiver burnout.Letting your own health deteriorate will not help the person for whom you are providing care. In fact, you would then be taking away their lifeline. So take care of yourself for you, as well as for your care partner.

Mental health is as important as physical health. Meditate, read, go to church, see a counselor, attend in-person or online support groups. Do what you need to do to stay emotionally healthy. Sometimes, in order to find some way to do this, we need to take a fresh look at our caregiving routine. This exercise can help us gain perspective and make some tweaks in our lives that can help both care partners.

Keep up friendships. Yes, some will fall by the wayside, but if you and your friends accept that things are different, some friendships can remain fulfilling. Maintaining friendships will likely take some effort on your part since you’ll need to educate your friends about dementia, but good friends will want to know. Do your part to help them understand what is happening to your family.

Help your spouse understand that other people can refresh your relationship. See if a friend of your spouse can spend some time with him or her while you go out. Then swap stories with your spouse when you return. This is part of your partnership and it will take work.

But don’t smother your spouse. Your husband or wife may have Alzheimer’s disease or another other health challenges, but try not to let caregiving define the two of you. Your marriage will stay much more intact as a balanced relationship if you let your spouse do as much as he or she can. We all need to feel like we can accomplish something, a rule that may apply to someone who is ill more than anyone else. Protect your spouse’s dignity by exhibiting compassion but not pity.

Become an activist for the disease that has claimed your spouse’s health. See if your spousequalifies for a clinical trial协助他或她的疾病的研究。去a spousal support group with other couples. Organize a fundraiser. By doing these and other creative things, you’ll meet others with the same issues with whom you can bond. Betsy Wurzel pledges to carry on advocating after Matt is gone. Many other caregivers feel the same. Activism seems to provide a purpose for the pain.